Great Quotes

** I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
** Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
** When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
** Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
** You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
** What do you call dog with no legs? ...... Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
** Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
** Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
** I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
** The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
** Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
** When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
** Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
** How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?
** Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
** If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
** "Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back."
** Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

** I hope some of these put a smile on your face because that is how I remember you!
Dr H